Lies of Marriage
Marriage is something most people long and desire to have. Most girls that I knew growing up talked about and dreamed about being married one day and finding the “man of their dreams”. I’ve watched as my daughters talk about this too. I used to spend countless hours dreaming of what my future wife and family would look like and how it would turn out. In our dreams we see it being this wonderful, romantic, idyllic situation that will bring us true happiness to last a lifetime.
When you do find the person you believe is the one for you and decide to enter into marriage it does bring about happiness and joy. You have found the person you believe you are in love with and are making a commitment to spend the rest of your life together – with each other. As those wedding vows state – “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death — this is my solemn vow.”
Marriage between a man and woman was designed by God and it is a gift. One that should not be entered into lightly, but with a lot of prayer, discernment and consideration. I believe marriage is a lifetime commitment. As it says in Matthew 19:4-6 – “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ ? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Again in Mark 10:6-9 – “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’”For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Life comes at us – careers, kids, sickness and crisis happens and it changes and shapes us. As things move along we may see the other person in a different light and begin to believe lies that can and will affect the relationship we have with our spouse:
I’m not in love with them anymore
I don’t find them attractive or desirable
I was meant to be happy and I am not happy anymore
We were never meant to be together, this was a mistake
I can’t live with this person
They don’t fulfill or satisfy me any more
I would be better off alone
This isn’t what I signed up for
They are crazy, stupid or just a jerk
I can’t stand them, they drive me crazy
I would be happier with _______
Life would be better without them
I wish they were dead
When we begin to dwell and believe these things to be true, it begins to skew our view of the other person and we quickly get caught up in believing these lies to be true. We begin going down roads and contemplating thoughts that shouldn’t be entering our mind. Marriage is tough, it requires work each and every day, it cannot be taken for granted ever. Marriage is one of the greatest gifts in which we get to make a choice about who we share our life with. I believe that God is about designing marriages, he puts people together by his unique design and where sanctification occurs.
Marriage is about being selfless – about putting the needs of your spouse above your own and serving them out of love. So often I have been guilty of wanting my way, forgetting that and being selfish. My wife has to be my priority, no matter what that outside of my relationship with God has to be my first and foremost priority. There have been times I have thought some of those things and was stupid enough to say them out loud. Thankfully, my wife who has extended grace far more times than I deserve has never wavered in her commitment to me.
When you make a commitment before God and others, you are making a commitment till death. Divorce should never be a word used in marriage. My wife and I both agreed that would never be an option and we would work through whatever came our way and still 17 years later we continue to make that our commitment. Despite difficult times and events that have been reason for us to end our marriage, we have worked through them. The key to success in our marriage has been putting God at the center and putting the needs of the other before our own. When I think of being an old man, the only person I see by my side is the gift God gave me years ago – my beautiful and amazing wife.
Proverbs 18:22 – He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
What lies are you believing in your marriage?
Posted on July 18, 2012, in Family, God, Marriage, Relationshps. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.
I think everyone (in a long term marriage) goes through some of these feelings and doubts – making it easy for another person to involved emotionally – especially when a couple is not connecting on an emotional level. This happened in our own 31 year marriage – but we used that difficult time to draw closer to the Lord and each other and in the end gave us an even stronger marriage. I think the most important thing that we learned from that experience was to stay open as we grow and change – not to shut each other down but to really listen and appreciate how fragile we are and vulnerable we can be. Great post, Chris.
Sorry for my late response. You have great wisdom and I can tell that is why you have such a strong and good marriage. It was evident from when I met both of you and all that I see in the pics and statuses you post. God has to be the center.