When someone has something they need to discuss with you, how accessible are you?  Is your head stuck in the computer?  Are you on the phone?  Are you away or always at a meeting?  When you are present in work place are you really listening or is your mind preoccupied with other things that need to be taken care of?  If we were to have a conversation right now, would you remember it in 30 minutes or even a day later?

Being in a position of leadership means we have a lot of responsibility put upon us.  You are required to multi-task as well as problem solve and keep everything together and flowing.  When issues arise you are the go to person.   The responsibility rests on your shoulders and you are held accountable when things fall apart.  As a rule when you are given more responsibility, more is asked of you and you are expected to be able to handle it.

When you supervise others it is important to make yourself accessible.  Staff should not have to fee like you are too busy to talk to them.  That creates an environment where staff does not feel comfortable talking with leadership.  It creates an unhealthy environment of power and control along with employees who do not feel valued, but rather as under appreciated and under valued.

I have worked for bosses before who I rarely ever saw and when I did, they showed little to know interest in me or my co-workers.  I’ve had bosses who walked passed me without even acknowledging me, let alone every saying thanks for the work I had done.  It was awkward to say the least and most of the time.  If something came up and I needed to talk to them, it was hard to approach them.  I felt like I was bothering them by asking to speak to them.  If I did go and speak to them, I didn’t get their full attention and on some occasions was told to come back later they were too busy.

Part of my role in leadership is setting up time to meet individually with each of my employees.  No phone calls, no responding to e-mails, no interruptions at all.  My time is their time and I am fully present and engaged in the conversation.  I listen and respond to what they are sharing and try to ask clarifying questions to make sure I understand where they are coming from.  Not only do I set aside time like this on a monthly basis, but daily I check in with all my staff and spend at least 15 – 20 minutes engaging in conversations with them around how they are doing.

Part of investing in my employees if making myself available to them.  I value my employees greatly and realize if I didn’t invest the time and energy into them, we would not be able to do the job we are doing.  My employees know that at any time they can come and talk to me about anything.  If I am busy at that moment I let them know I will get back with them shortly.

As someone in position of authority, are you accessible?

Today I am sharing with you my interview with Jonathan, if you have ever had the chance to interact with him, you will find out he is a very cool guy.  He writes with a lot of passion and has a good sense of humor.  He was gracious enough to take some time and answer my questions for me and today I am pleased to be able to share that with you.

Talk about your relationship with your wife?

My wife and I Melissa live in Orangeburg SC. We don’t have any children yet, but we do like acting like kids ourselves. My wife is my best friend. That’s the thing that makes our marriage special; we’re best friends and know how to have a good time. We talk, we laugh, we cry together and love every minute of it.

What is your current profession?

I’m the Communications Pastor at Cornerstone Community Church in Orangeburg SC. Communications Pastor really means I do anything that communicates the church to others. I’m the Online Campus Pastor as well. I love what I get to do. It’s a creative and fairly new way to ‘do ministry.’

I’m also the Assistant Director of The Sticks. The Sticks is an organization that helps inspire and teach small city pastors and leaders.

What do are some of your favorite things to do when you have down time? Do you have any hobbies?

I love sports. College football, MLB baseball, NFL football are all hobbies of mine. I also enjoy social media and working out.

What tickles your funny bone?

Anything! Love to laugh.

In regards to what God has called you to do, do you feel like you are living out that calling?

Absolutely. Everyday. I’m a communicator and lover of Jesus. What I do gives me a chance to do all of those things.

How has God transformed you the most?

He’s turned me from a religious person to a Christ follower. It’s not about what I do and don’t do, it’s about my love for Him and my willingness to walk that out.

Your definition of what it means to be a real man?  Who helped shape your thoughts around this? Did your Dad or other key men play a key role in helping shape your identity as a man?

My Dad played a large role in who I am. I was blessed to be raised by a loving mother and father. My Dad showed me what it means to support a family and work hard. He showed me that a real man loves, works, and plays hard.

When all is said and done, what do you hope to be remembered for?

I want to be known as someone who reshaped the world… who pushed the status… not just to be different, but to be effective in reaching the world. I want to be known as a world changer…

You can go check out his blog JonathanPearson.net here, just click on the link http://jonathanpearson.net/

One of the things I believe I need to have a part of each and every day is laughter.  Being able to laugh at something during my day that sweet spot in the day.  It’s like being able to have a piece of your favorite candy.

Much of what we do as adults requires us to be serious and focus.  We are deadline oriented, agenda and outcome driven.  We measure successes in a variety of ways.  When things don’t go the way we planned or the outcome isn’t what we had desired, often times that can be incredibly frustrating.  The mood can quickly change and we go from enjoying the day to dreading it.

One thing I learned early on was,  no matter what the job is, we have a choice about our attitude.  Being able to find something you can laugh at be it yourself, an event, interaction or mistake.  No one is perfect and while we should strive to do our very best in all that we do.  We also need to recognize our humanness.

As a boss I enjoy having fun, laughing and joking around with my staff.  Creating an environment where my staff know there is a line not to be crossed.  I am still the boss, but that we are a team working together.  We all get compensated to do different tasks and the expectation is they do what I am paying them to do.  Within that structure there is a lot of room to create a fun and enjoyable working environment.  Having an environment where you can laugh, tell jokes and relax leads to more productive staff and a better outcome over all.

I have worked for bosses who are so task oriented, driven by their perfectionism and all they cared about was the bottom line.  They didn’t care about the people who worked for them. They were dictators who never smiled and acted as if they didn’t enjoy their job.  I am pretty sure the job is what they believed define them as a person.

What type of environment do you thrive in and how much is laughter valued in your job.

Today I am pleased to be able to share with you the interview I did with Dusty Rayburn or as he is known in the Twitter world @dlrayburn.  The one thing I knew right away and could sense about him, was his humble character.  The other thing in reading his blog is his heart.  I have been thankful to interact with him over time and always enjoy the conversations we have.  If you aren’t following him or reading his blog I encourage you to do so at the end of this interview.

Please share with us about your family and a little bit about your backgrounds?

I am married to Julie, my best friend and the woman God set aside for me. We are further blessed with Anna, our spunky five-year old daughter.
My wife and I come from very different backgrounds. I was raised as a ‘missionary kid’ in Mexico where my family served for twelve years moving frequently. My wife, on the other hand, was not raised around church and spent her entire life in the Birmingham, Alabama area.

How long have you been married?

This month we will be blessed by celebrating 7 years of being married.

Name one of the top things you love most about your wife?

It’s hard to narrow down to just one thing, but I would have to say her passion. My wife holds strongly to her beliefs and ideals. She is not easily moved or shaken.

What do you think your wife’s response to that question would be?

My steadiness and witness.

For both of you what do you believe to be the key(s) to having a successful marriage?

At the risk of sounding spiritual: Jesus. He is the One who keeps us moving and working together as we deal with this life’s battles.

Your favorite things about being a parent?

I think it is getting love from my girl. My whole day is changed when she wraps her arms around e and tells me, “I love you, Daddy.”

What is your current paid profession?

I work for a small Benefit Fund that manages Pensions and Health Insurance for participating union employers. My official title is “Benefits Manager/IT Director/Privacy and Security Office”. Basically I maintain all of our different health insurance plans, compliance with government privacy and health regulations, and our IT solutions. I also serve as the Spanish translator/interpreter for those participants who need it.

Other jobs you have held, what was your first and what lessons did you take away?

My very first job was in high school as a landscaper/handyman working for an established company. I learned there is a lot of sweat behind every dollar made. I also worked as a cashier at McDonald’s.

In college, I went to work for Maytag (yep, I was the repair man). Upon graduation, I had trouble finding a job, but finally went to work for WMU, a Christian Mission publishing company, starting as a Bi-lingual Customer Service Rep and eventually working my way up to Magazine Subscription Specialist and Fulfillment Manager.

I have also served as interim pastor, youth minister, and music minister at three churches.

Thinking back over your jobs, which have you enjoyed the most?

I enjoyed my years at WMU. There was a lot of stress and troubling personalities, but all in all, it was a great job with some great people. I have had the opportunity of writing for their leadership publication since leaving there and am blessed to have many friends who are still there.

When it comes to finding time to relax, what do you do?

I love to travel and spend time with my family. I am an avid reader.

What hobbies/interests do you enjoy?

I’m a nerd/tech geek. I beta test software and do custom PC builds. I also fly RC helicopters.

What music/songs are you shuffling around on your iPod/iTunes or Spotify?

My wife and I both enjoy 80′s rock, so there is a good bit of that in my playlists… Some of my top Christian artists would be Phillips, Craig, and Dean, Mylon LeFevre, and Matthew West. On occasion you might find me listening to symphony music.

If we were to look at your nightstand what books would we find?

Right now I am reading Book of Lies by Brad Meltzer and just finished Mere Christianity.

In what ways are you connected or involved in your community?

I serve as a deacon in my local church where I also sing in the choir, teach short-term Bible studies, and participate in community outreach programs.

Deep down inside what are you passionate about?

Serving God and my family.

Never to be defined or put in a box, what words define you?

Imperfect. Strong-willed. And my continuous hope: One of Christ’s Own.

Why did you get into blogging?  What is the response from folks when you share with them you are a blogger?

I entered into blogging as a daily journal and an accountability method to keep me in the Word of God.
Most people are curious about it and some will even stop by to visit on occasion.

When it comes to social media, what is your purpose for using it?  What are the positives and negatives you have found using it? 

Social media is a means to extend my reach beyond my normal circles. It has allowed me to meet some great men and women of God. It’s also a means to track tech/software innovations and company promotions. Unfortunately, it is real easy to be fake in social media. I would also caution people to be careful what they share and who they add to their networks because there are people out there are predators out there.

What makes you laugh?

People. One of my favorite comedians is Bill Engvall.

Throughout history who do you admire the most?

I’m not much of a secular history buff, and a name on that front escapes me. On a Biblical front, I would say Jesus, Paul, Peter, and Abraham.

What is something that moves you to tears?

Seeing families respond to the Holy Spirit.
Seeing the underdog’s win (I need a box of Kleenex to watch Rocky, or Mighty Ducks).

Do you feel like you are living out your calling?

For this day, I do. There is no telling what tomorrow may bring though.

When you look in the mirror what do you see?

A pudgy, mid thirties, child of God. A work in progress.

How has God transformed you the most?

He is moving my focus from self to Christ. Before Him, everything was about me and what I wanted. Now, I strive daily to be about Him.

In your opinion what defines a real man?   Who helped to shape your ideas and opinions in this? Did your Dad or other key men play a key role in helping shape your identity as a man? What do you hope your kids will see that was lived out most in you? When you think of yourself as an elderly man, what do you see, what kind of man do you hope to become?

A real man is defined by God. Nothing else lasts or measures up. If we line up with God and follow Him, then and only then will we be what He intended us to ‘really’ be. Pastors, teachers, and God’s Word are the key players for me. I hope Anna and others will see Jesus in me. I want to be a man after God’s own heart.

Name two things on your bucket list?

See Anna commit her life to Christ.
Meet several of my blogging community.

In the end when your life is over, what do you hope to be remembered for?

My commitment and service to God.

Anything else you want to share or let people know?

I am not now nor have I ever been, perfect. My God is perfect and I am in the process of being perfected by Him with every breath I breathe.

Check out his blog - Reflections on the Life of a Christian – http://rlcblog.com/

As an adult I have whole heartedly tried to pursue God.  I have dug into scripture over and over and can tell you a fair amount of it.  I have done all the practices a mature Christian is supposed to implement in their walk.  What I am discovering as I get older is that many of the things I have come up against in life aren’t addressed in scripture and there isn’t a book for dummies written about it.

While the Bible is filled with an abundance of principles on most any topic, it doesn’t always speak to what I have experienced nor what a lot of my friends have gone through in their life.  Trusting in God, praying to him and leaving it in his hands is easier said than done.  The cliché’s that have been passed around fail, while good intentioned really are more of a source of frustration.

I have seen folks begin a relationship with God and watched as strongholds they had in their life faded away.  What had once held them back they was no longer an issue.  I have seen other believers go through very difficult times and call out to God and there lives are forever changed.   God has definitely been at work in my life and so much has changed, so I clearly cannot deny he’s at work in me.

Personally I’ve never had those type of moments where God removed something from me after a prayer or even in my darkest times had a life changing event.  I would say in my walk with God while he has been consistent and I have strayed, none of that has been part of this relationship.

I feel the older I get, in some regards I am becoming jaded and maybe that’s the wrong term to use, but being someone who is grounded in both the word of God and in the reality of living, I often find it difficult not to do the work myself to make the changes I see as character deficits within myself.  Resting and waiting on God does not equal  being lazy and apathetic, we must push on and know that through each circumstance and trial God is using those to change us.

As a child growing up, I somehow got it in my head that there were answers to all of life’s problems.  If I didn’t have the answer I could go to my parents, aunts and uncles or grandparents for one.  I could even ask my teachers and when it came to questions about God, either the Pastor or a Sunday School teacher seemed to be able to provide me with answers.  Never once as a young person growing up, did I ever hear, I don’t know.  Someone always had an answer for me.

So what happens if you are a control freak, an addict or abuser? You genuinely and honestly pray to God and ask him to remove those things from yourself, yet try as you might to stop, you go back to them.  What happens when you fast, pray, confess and ask forgiveness and you still return to those things.  You understand with everything inside of you how much better life would be if you were free from them, but it just doesn’t happen.  What then?

I believe part of this answer lies within our brothers and sisters.  While we may not have the answers to these questions, I think talking openly and honestly about them is a way in which God can work through them. I find honesty in our walk with God so refreshing.  I respect people more when they are honest about their feelings around their belief in God. I am more respectful of someone who is willing to be honest and transparent than someone who acts like they have the answers.  Even Pastors and great men of faith do not have all the answer to the questions.

What do you do when you come up against something you can find no answer to, how do you deal with sins you return to, yet wish you didn’t?

Today I am happy to share an interview I did with Brian @DadinAction.  It’s been a bit since he answered my questions, but I am happy to be able to share it with you today.  Brian is someone who has a heart for the same things I am passionate about and what this blog is all about.  It’s not often I have the pleasure of connecting with where I agree with so many of their answers.  So without further intro please continue reading for the full interview.

Tell me a bit about where you grew up, what was your family of origin like?

I grew up in Memphis,Tennessee as an only child.  At the time, we lived on the edge of civilization, but now there’s practically a mall in our backyard.  My parents divorced when I was 10 so I was raised primarily by a wonderful mother who worked her tail off to make ends meet.  Like many people in that generation, my Dad had addiction issues and was mostly absent after the divorce.  Boys need their father and I had to learn many things the hard way without one.  That’s why I’m so passionate today about encouraging Men to be great fathers.

What about your family? 

I’ve got an amazing wife (Tisha) and three boys, Connor (10), Dylan (8) and Cody (4).  We’ve been together for 12 years and believe it or not, we met on an airplane.  Let’s just say God had a plan.  Speaking of plan, he wanted us to have 3 boys too.  When we were pregnant with number three, we told Connor and Dylan we were expecting.  Connor got down from the dinner table and prayed “God, please make it a boy.”  Prayer answered!

What is the one thing you love most about your spouse?

She makes breakfast every morning!  Seriously, she does.  I’m talking eggs, french toast, fruit, etc.  She’s amazing.  She loves people, not just being around people, but genuinely loves them.  She wants to learn who they are, what’s going on and how she can help them.

What would your spouse say is the thing they love most about you?

She loves that my favorite place in the world is home with her and the boys.  She said that I put her first, that I’m considerate and that I’m always trying to please her.  I don’t know how much that will cost me later, but she gave me a nice review!

What has been the key/success to your marriage?

She makes breakfast every morning!  God has made major changes in our marriage.  We spent the first few years of our marriage putting ourselves first.  Our marriage wasn’t breaking up, but we certainly weren’t experiencing the joy God had planned for us.  Once we started putting God first, then each other second, it was amazing to see the change.  We believe the 50/50 division of labor and responsibilities is a myth in marriage.  We both approach it from a 100/100 perspective helping out wherever we can.  It’s been a wonderful transformation.

What is one of your favorite things about being a parent?

I love seeing them make great decisions on their own.  In our house, we’re very particular about language.  My wife and I don’t curse and we don’t really have many friends that do.  One of my son’s friends uses what we consider to be foul language and my son stood up to him, first asking him to stop, then walking away when he didn’t.  Our son later got an apology note and the other boy has been making an effort to clean it up since.  Those moments are priceless.

How has your spouse made you a better person?

She challenges me.  She’s an incredible, intelligent engaging woman who really cares about people.  I simply can’t out-serve and out-love her, but seeing the joy she gives others makes me want to.

What is your current job/ what do you get paid to do?

I’ve been working for the same Fortune 30 technology company for the past 12 years.  Prior to this role, I was Sales Director for our Large Businesses.  About 6 months ago, I moved into an Executive Development program.  We like to say I’m between jobs!

What are some other jobs you’ve had?

I’ve done it all.  I’ve delivered pizzas, waited tables, bartended, written advertising copy, worked with hazardous chemicals, sold industrial chemicals, networking equipment and enterprise technology.  I never thought I was that old but I’m starting to wonder.

What was your very first job?

Great question.  If you don’t count cub scouts door to door sales, I started cooking at Pizza Hut as soon as I turned 16 to pay for my car.  It was actually a great job.  I got paid AND got free food!  As a growing boy playing varsity football, you can’t get enough food.

What lessons did you learn from it?

At the end of our first performance review period, I was told that my buddy was going to get the max raise and I wasn’t.  He had worked harder than I had.  I was devastated and that was the last time it ever happened.  It was a classic lesson about work ethic that I never forgot.

Of all the jobs you’ve had, which job have you enjoyed the most.

The one I have, each time I have it.  I love a challenge.  I love the drinking from the firehose in a new role.  My most recent role as Sales Director was my favorite though.  I had an opportunity to run my own business, develop and mentor people, while working with customers to solve their business problems.

What do you do to relax?

Respond to profile requests.  =)  I run, workout, love to read, camp with the boys and blog.

What music/songs are you shuffling around on your iPod/iTunes or Spotify?

Casting Crowns and MercyMe are two of my favorite bands.  I’m also a big fan of TobyMac, Pillar and Kutless.  It’s great to see good uplifting rock music that sounds every bit as good as the traditional radio fare.  Otherwise, we enjoy an eclectic mix ranging from Texas Country like Robert Earl Keen and Lyle Lovett, to Black Eyed Peas to MIuse.  We’re all over the map.

What books are on your nightstand?

For the past several years, I’ve been pretty much exclusively non-fiction, mixed between parenting and business books with the occasional biography mixed in.  I read the bible every day, currently using YouVersion’s Chronological Bible in year.  I’m also reading Preparing for Every Young Man’s Battle and Strong Dad, Strong Children.  I’ve got Tim Tebow’s biography queued up next I think.

How are you connected or involved in your community? 

We’re involved in a variety of ways.  This past summer, we finished a year of serving in our church’s children ministry.  I lead a YMCA Adventure Guides group for the boys and we serve as the opportunity arises through church ministries.  My wife volunteers at school.  She and her bestie also do quite a few personal mission projects to help out single moms and other ladies in need.

What are you most passionate about?

Families need men to lead.  Children, boys in particular, need their father.  Fathers need to love their families and lead them.  They need to live an example of God’s love since that’s how most people get their view of God.  Now, I try to encourage Dads to be the Fathers they never had and the Husband their Dads never were.  Strong male role models actively participating in this world can change it.

Not to put you in a box, but what words would define you as a person?

Faithful.  Competitive.  Loving.  Impatient.  <—–Confused.

Why did you get into blogging?  How did you come up with the name for your Blog?

I started to encourage men, provide advice and share God’s truth with the world.  With God’s help, we can be better men.

What is the response from folks when you share with them you are a blogger?

Cool!

When it comes to social media, what is your purpose for using it? What are the positives and negatives you have found using it? 

It’s totally addictive.  I’m maniacally focused with reach and like to watch follower counts, likes, etc by the minute.  It’s totally insane.  We have to be really careful to have authentic relationship.  SM is great at connecting people.  We just need to make sure they’re connections worth having.  More isn’t better if we have fewer deep relationships.

Have you had the opportunity to meet with any other bloggers in person?

Not yet, but I hope to.

What do you find humorous?

From reading this, you probably think not much!  My wife is the hilarious, goofy one.  She’s the life of every party.  I love Modern Family, although almost everything about it flies in the face of my values.  The irony surrounding children is just unreal.  I laugh out loud at some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth, let alone them.  Did I just say that?

Who in history do you admire the most?

Is Jesus a lame answer? Abraham Lincoln was an amazing leader.  He stood up in the face of insurmountable opposition and took an unpopular stance for what he knew was right. He had integrity oozing from his pores!

What is something that moves you to tears?

Children in Africa starving.  Little girls in India being trafficked.  I just don’t understand unnecessary horrors like that.

Do you feel like you are living out your calling?

Yes, but I’m always looking for and asking for more.  I honestly believe I was called to raise 3 strong men of God.  I believe He has a purpose for them and I’m hear to enable them.  I think the blog is a first step for me to put my faith out there with a larger audience and encourage Men to lead.

How has God transformed you the most?

It’s not about me.  He’s helped me see that any reservation to share my faith is just pride I shouldn’t have.  that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with it, but I’m hear for a short time and need to use it for Him. The biggest change in my life was reconciling with my father.  Once He helped me deal with anger and frustration, he healed my marriage and opened up a new life for us in freedom.  We couldn’t be more blessed.

In your opinion what defines a real man?   Who helped to shape your ideas and opinions in this?

Courage to lead and the love to do it compassionately.  Men must provide for their family financially, spiritually and emotionally.  When we do that, our wives are able to flourish and will return the respect every man craves.  Robert Lewis’s Men’s Fraternity study did the most to shape my view, but I’ve read quite a few books since then.  Every Man’s Battle was a life-changer and I’ve really enjoyed the Wild At Heart books, too.  I spend a lot of my time focused on being a better husband and better father.  I’m kind of a junky.

Did your Dad or other key men play a key role in helping shape your identity as a man? What do you hope your kids will see that was lived out most in you? 

I didn’t have a great example.  My father and both grandfathers were alcoholics.  I hope they’ll see God’s love for them through me.  If I can reflect that in some small way, I’m golden. I hope they’ll grow up to be leaders with integrity.

When you think of yourself as an elderly person, what do you see, what kind of person do you hope to become?

I hope to retire and volunteer for the rest of my days at a church or mission.  As an old man, I would hope to have a bazillion grandchildren, maybe even some girls.  Hopefully, I can mentor some men my age and keep them from screwing up like I did.  Oh yeah, and I want to travel!

Name two things on your bucket list?

Running a marathon and hiking the Appalachian Trail with all 3 of my boys, 1 week at a time every summer for as long as it takes us to finish.

If you were to show up at your own memorial service, what you do you hope people would say about you? What do you hope to be remembered for?

I hope I made a difference in Men’s lives.  With God’s help, anyone can be a great father and a wonderful husband.  If I can help people understand that, and have stories to be shared, that would have been a great life.

Anything else you want to share or let people know?

Did I mention that my wife is awesome?  She makes breakfast every morning.

You can click on the link for  Brian’s blog Dad In Action -  http://www.dadinaction.com

The alarm wakes me up every morning at 5 am.  Some mornings I get up and go for a walk, and it feels good to get out and be up before the world.  It’s dark but being out in the fresh air always feels good.  While I walk I spend the time thinking and praying, having a discussion with God about a multitude of things – wife and kids, work, friends, family, church, what’s wrong in the world and many times it is about me and what I need to work on.  The areas I have failed in, where I can do better and what my dreams are.

My dream of being a father or as in my case Papa as my kids call me is one I dreamt repeatedly growing up.  I stepped into the role of a husband 16 years ago and ten months later I stepped into the shoes of being a Papa.  Best role I have ever entered into.  I would say being a husband is not the easiest role for me, but being a Papa is something I know God designed for me.

It’s now 6 am and it’s go time.  I begin the process of waking up my family.  I walk into their rooms, turn on the lights and for a moments just admire my children lying soundly in their bed.  My heart and my face both smile.  I begin tapping and shaking them, telling them good morning.  If I am lucky I can get a hug and a kiss from one of them as they awaken, most of the time, it’s groans, stretches and ok.  I look around the room and see messes, book bags with papers hanging out, piles of clothing and I have no idea if it’s dirty or clean.  Shoes, toys and other items strewn about their rooms.  As I proceed up and down the stairs I find items that didn’t quite make it to the rooms.  I think to myself,  why have we let our kids have so many things.  Maybe if we didn’t give them so many things I wouldn’t find them lying around.  I am sure we have spoiled these kids.  Kids in third world countries are lucky to have a stick to play with and they seem much happier.

I jump in the shower, getting ready for work myself and within 15 minutes I am ready to go.  I give kisses and hugs and head out the door.  My oldest daughter is in high school and I drop her off just down the street from my office at her best friends house.  Sometimes in the morning we just turn up the radio and listen to the music, other times we have brief conversations about what’s going on for the day.  As I pull up at her friend’s house I lean over, give her a kiss, tell her I love her and head on my way so I can be to work by 7 am.

My day begins.  I get settled into my day and begin the process.  Throughout the day my mind runs through thousands of different things about my family –

• Is the time I am investing in my kids enough?
• How can I make my relationship with my wife even better?
• Are we be able to pay all our bills this month?
• What do the kids need?
• How can I make things run more smoothly at home?
• Why is it the moment I leave the house the kids start in and my wife is left to deal with all their fighting and arguing? Maybe if she just did this or that it would make it better.
• How are we going to get through this time, this seems really difficult.   Oh man I really messed up on that.
• Okay God, here’s where things are at, we need help.  Please help us out.
• What if we are in a flood or other natural disaster, how will I save my family?
• Why did they act like that, what would make them respond in the way they did, I want to understand this more.

I continue going through my day with these and many other thoughts flooding my mind.  Soon it’s 5 and it’s time to go.  I head on out, pick up my oldest from her friend’s house and begin asking questions about her day.  What happened at school, what did you do in your classes.  As she explains about her day, asking more probing questions about why this kid did this or that.  How does she feel about it?  Why did she say it that way.  Somedays I am filled with so much love I just can’t hold it back and I share with her how much I love her and how happy I am she is my daughter.  How she amazes me.

We get home, I give hugs and kisses, my wife and I head up to our room to take 15 minutes out to talk about the day and what happened.  Pretty soon a kid is knocking on the door or something is going on and we head downstairs and sit down and eat family together.  We talk about the day, what happened in each other’s lives.  I look around and see things scattered around the house and realize chores still haven’t gotten done.  I remind them all of the chores they are supposed to do.  Usually I am also reminding them their things need to be picked up and put away and I am tired of reminding them.  Someday I am grumpy, I talk very loudly and you can tell my finger pointing I am very frustrated by having to say it once again.  The chores, get started, the music gets cranked up and the rest of the night begins.

After dinner, depending on the day of the week, I meet with my mentor, doing a Skype chat, writing, attending a PTA meeting, dropping kids off at Youth Group, going out on a date with my wife or one of my kids.  If I am lucky we do a family devotion.  When I am home, bedtime calls, much too early.   Getting the younger 2 kids into their pajamas – kisses, hugs and off to bed.  The older kids stay up until it’s their time for bed, reading a book or playing a game and then off they go.

Pretty soon it’s 11 pm and I realize I need to get to bed.  I walk through the house shutting off lights, taking one last look at my kids as they sleep and thinking about how much I love them.  How thankful I am for them.  How if God had never allowed me to experience this I would never know the joys that come with it.  I make it to my bed and lie down and begin replaying day.  Thinking of conversations I had or events that played out and how I could have done them better.  I talk to God and I the thoughts I had during the day once again circulate.  I finally fall asleep with my mind still going.

Mom’s get a lot of credit for all that they do.  As well they should.   There are other Dad’s who like myself, are active in every part of their home and childs’ life.  Unlike what you see on TV and in the movies, we are no idiots, we can change diapers, cook meals, dress our kids and make informed, intelligent decisions.  My philosophy has always been that  I need to do just as much as my wife.  While we have traditional roles in our house, that doesn’t negate my ability to step up and do my part.  The responsibility doesn’t just rest on her shoulders.

Am I the greatest Dad ever, no, by no means.  I certainly have changed and developed as a Dad.  The little things I worried about with oldest when she was a baby are not the things I worried about with our 6^th when he was a little toddler. The simple fact is this – God has given me the opportunity to steward my family and that job is one that; while I know I will continue to make mistakes, matters more than any other job in this world.

As long as I can remember I always kept my room neat and clean.  My belongings all had placed and when I was done, they returned to the same spot.  I wasn’t OCD about it, but I did like having everything organized.  I used to look around my room and think of ways I could set it up that made the most of the room.  As I got older and was given the responsibility of other areas of my parent’s home I would go through rooms and re-organize them and move them around.  I always enjoyed knowing things were in order and it had a different feel.  Moving out on my own and being able to have my own place gave me much larger reign.  I have continued to maintain order.

As I have stepped into the roles of leadership this skill has been a tremendous asset to me.  I tend to be a perfectionist at anything I do. Working in an environment that is chaotic, cluttered and messy absolutely drives me crazy.  Before I can begin to do my job I go through and re-set the environment so it is organized and then begin putting structure in place.  These two items are a necessity for me in my ability to lead well.  I would venture to say for anyone to lead well it’s imperative you have these aspects part of what you do.

My files are all labeled and in alphabetical order.  Binders are clearly labeled on the outside with what is contained inside. Books, training materials, movies and other materials are placed in categories and alphabetized.   Filling cabinets, cubicles, boxes and drawers are labeled so you know where items are kept.  Everything is in a particular place and when something is removed it goes back to the same place.

Thanks to the advanced in technology even my e-mails are all categorized into sub-folders.  Anytime an e-mail comes in that fits into that category I read it and slide it into that folder to keep track of it.  The same thing is found inside my documents folder, forms I repeatedly use easily accessible with the click of the mouse. All my contacts are stored online so I can access them at any time.  Meetings, reminders and important dates are placed into my calendar so I don’t forget.  I am fortunate to have a smart phone; all of my work information is also accessible through my phone.

The other tools that are useful in keeping my environment running smoothly are bulletin boards and dry erase boards.  On these I am able to keep important numbers, an additional printed version of my calendar and notes reminding me of important dates and meetings.  On my desk is a “To Do List” that I make at the start of each week.  As the week goes by and I get busy it’s a great reference to ensure I haven’t missed something.

Having all the order in place, takes my mind off of the worry of forgetting something.  I am able to focus on my job, staying on top of projects as well as investing in my employees and making sure the job we were all hired to do happens.  When I took over current position I have 10 years ago, I walked into a chaotic environment and set to organizing it from the start.  As a result I have built a solid reputation for this.  I have been asked to take on extra projects that allow me to aid my team members in putting the same environment in place.  It ends up being a win-win situation for everyone.

If I ever start a company of my own,  I am certain it would be as a professional organizer and cleaner.  I have also learned when I am feeling stressed or overloaded, cleaning and organizing something helps me relax and it also benefits reducing the clutter in my house.

What tools have you found to be beneficial in helping you lead?

Today I am sharing my interview I did with Jeff Selph.  Jeff and I connected through Twitter and every time we interact he always makes me laugh.  He’s engaging, funny and is someone I always look forward to talking to.  He is definitely the kind of guy who I would enjoy hanging out with in real life and hope some day that actually happens.

Share with us some things about your your wife and son

My wife’s name is Sarah, and our son’s name is Jakob.  Sarah is a proud stay at home mom.  Her interests include hanging out with Jakob, action movies, sports, heavy metal, and tattoos.  Jakob is a two-year old boy.  His interests include Buzz Lightyear, Mickey Mouse, and running and jumping all day.

You and your wife have been married for how many years?
Ten

With your wife, what is the one thing you love most about her?
Her friendship with me.

If I was to ask your wife the same question, what do you think her response would be?
The type of husband I am.  Sounds cocky, but I actually asked her, and that was her answer.

What have you found to be the keys to making your marriage work?
We’ve never stopped dating.  I think we’re perpetually stuck in the honeymoon phase.  Also, we both have a heart to serve the other, and when it’s not coming naturally, we pray for ourselves to continue being that way.  Selfishness, like everything, can pass if you beat it into submission.

What is one of your favorite things about being a parent?
I love playing with my son.  The best part of my day is right when I get home from work.  When I walk in the door, Jakob smiles and takes off running, so I will chase him.  Everyday, it’s the same thing, and I love that he wants to play.

What is your current occupation?
I’m the pastor to children and students at Kalamazoo Community Church.

What are some other jobs you’ve had?  What was your very first job?  What lessons did you learn from it?
My first job was at Burger King when I was 15.  I learned very quickly that working hard was everything, even if the job wasn’t for forever.  I have also been a banker for Bank One, a call center customer service rep for ADT, a youth pastor and a children’s pastor at two other churches.  The main thing I have learned is that grass actually can be greener, so long as you let God tell you which fence to cross over.  Each time I’ve thought I had it good, God has moved me and exceeded my expectations of Him.

Thinking back through the jobs you have done, which one did you enjoy the most?
I enjoy my current job the most.  The people I work with, the volunteers that serve alongside me, and the people I get to serve make it worth showing up day after day.  Us, everyone there just loves my family, and that’s a great way to be in my good graces.

How do you spend time relaxing?
I date Sarah, play with Jakob, watch movies with friends, read, exercise, and take naps.

What are some of your current hobbies/interests you enjoy?
Mostly the same as my relaxation activities.  If it doesn’t make me feel better than I did before I started, it’s not going to be a hobby.

What music and or songs are you currently listening to?
I listen to whole albums.  I have Jonny Lang’s Turn Around, Disciple’s Southern Hospitality, Satellites & Sirens self title album, and Demon Hunter’s Storm the Gates of Hell  in my current and most listened to playlist.

What books are on your nightstand?
My Bible (not just saying it because I’m a pastor.  It’s really there), Legacy Path, and Fundamentals of Accounting

How are you connected or involved in your community?
I lead a Bible study at the high school by our church every week.  I run a weekly Christ centered recovery program for students.  I also participate in serving our community once a month at church doing food distribution to the poor.

What things are you most passionate about?
My family, reaching, mentoring, and disciplining kids and teenagers, and laughing often.

Not that you should be put in a box, but what words would define you as a person?
Husband, dad, friend, and pastor.

What brought you to the blogging world?  What is the response from folks when you share with them you are a blogger?
It was therapeutic for me to write about my new understanding of God and the church and to focus more on that than the pain the church had caused my family.  I don’t think I’ve eve told anyone I was a blogger, though.  My posts just show up on twitter and Facebook periodically.

When it comes to social media, what is your purpose for using it?  What are the positives and negatives you have found using it?
Initially, I did it, because I was told it was important to follow and connect with important leaders.  I stopped with that.  It’s primarily social for me now.  I’ve made twitter and blogging friends.  The positives are the friendships made.  The real negatives are both spending too much time doing it and the opportunity to buy into the myth of my importance.  I used to worry so much about getting people to follow me, and if someone I thought was important followed me, I’d brag about it to my wife.  She never did seem impressed.

What makes you laugh?
Honestly?  I laugh at my own jokes a lot.  I think little kids are hilarious.  My dad and brothers are  three of the funniest people I know.  Well played sarcasm always gets a smile from me, too.

Any historical figures you admire the most?
I don’t think I admire any historic figures other than Jesus.  I admire my wife, my parents, my childhood pastor, my current pastors.  I can’t really admire someone whose heart I do not know.  I guess I’m not awestruck by accomplishments.

What moves you to tears?
Sarah’s strength, Jakob, and watching someone run to or from Jesus.

Do you feel like you are living out your calling?
I know for sure that I am.

Look in the mirror what do you see?
A guy who misses his hair.  I also see a man who loves God, his family, and his calling.

How has God transformed you the most?
Through the hardest times in my life.  I relearned faith when my wife was paralyzed in a car accident.  We had true faith that God would allow her to walk again, and she does.  I relearned Jesus and the church even while the my first church was kicking my tail all over the place.  I knew it had to be better than that, and it is!

In your opinion what defines a real man?  Who helped to shape your ideas and opinions in this? Did your Dad or other key men play a key role in helping shape your identity as a man? 

A real man handles his responsibilities.  For me, that means I love and serve my wife.  I don’t prove my manhood by bossing her around.  I prove my manhood by serving her like Jesus served his bride.  I love my son, and I teach him to be a Godly man, even now.  I teach him to love and respect his mom.  I do my job with everything I have.  I learned these things from my dad.  He loves my mom, my siblings and me, and there’s never been a day when it would have been fair to question that.  He has always worked hard, and he taught us to do the same.

What do you hope your son and possibly other children will most see in you?
I hope that as Jakob grows, he sees that I love God, him and his mom, and then everything else.  I hope he knows I worked hard, but never so hard that I was absent from his life.

2 things you have on  you bucket list?
Skydiving and having a 32-inch waist again.

At the end of your life, what do you hope to be remembered for?
Great husband, great dad, led many people to Christ with my life.

What else do you have to share with us?
I love Willy Wonka, Star Wars, and buffalo wings.

Want to read what Jeff has to say, click on the link and go and check out his blog  - Selph Inflicted - http://selphinflicted.wordpress.com

I’ve had this phrase thrown at me quite a few times in my life.  In some instances it’s been out of shock in a good way as in – you like that movie/a song/ or an alcoholic beverage.  Other times it’s been when I have had an interaction with another person that didn’t go well from their perspective and because I didn’t act or respond in a way they wanted I have gotten the response, but you’re a Christian.  The reference being I’m supposed to operate in a perfect manner at all times.

I hate referring to myself as a Christian due to the countless things that have been done in the name of Christ that are not a true reflection of who he is. I have no shame in telling you that I follow Jesus Christ.  I made the choice to follow him as a young child and I have continued to follow him since.  As an adult I have drawn closer to him, deepened, matured and changed in ways I never could have imagined.  My life has been forever changed by making the choice to follow him.  What I have been through and experienced in my life has left me with no doubt, that there is a God and he is very much alive and at work in my life.

In case you didn’t know it, I am not perfect and I would be the first to admit that.  I make mistakes every day of my life.  I act out of my own selfishness.  I can be prideful and greedy. I can be judgmental, prejudiced unfair, negative and rude.   Somedays I wake up and I don’t have a smile on my face and don’t for quite some time.  I drink alcohol, I watch R rated movies, I listen to all types of music and in being honest I don’t really like Christian music or most of their movies.  The 10 Commandments – yeah I have broken almost every one of them.   I don’t go to church every Sunday and I don’t read my Bible on a daily basis.  Sometimes I yell at my wife and kids and get really upset over things I shouldn’t.  Someday people exasperate me and I forget to respond in a loving manner towards them.  Essentially I am human, just like every other person.

While I hold high standards for myself, I am by no means perfect and will never be this side of heaven.  I pray and seek God every day of my life.  I attempt to follow and live out daily Jesus’ model of what he came here for. He has and is changing me.  He’s rocked my world and done a great work in me.  I am not the same man I was when I was 20 years old.  As I continue to grow and mature in him, I grow in other areas of my life and I put away those childish things.

Yes I am a “Christian” and if you get to know me, you will see how I really live out my belief in Jesus.  I live it out as best I can and in a real way.  What you think or believe in regards to how a Christian behaves, may be completely different from me.

One thing I have learned through this is that maturing means owning up and admitting my failures.  Acknowledging them both to Jesus and to the person I have offended.  It means having to say, you know what I messed up, I was wrong in how I acted and I need you to forgive me and I will work hard not to do that again.  It may also mean I have to come back and ask forgiveness again, but I hope I don’t.

My hope and goal is to continue to live out a life that is pleasing first and foremost to Jesus.  I know I am going to fail each and every day, that’s a given.  I will never stop moving towards that goal and allowing him to continually change me moment by moment, experience by experience.  As I grow and mature I hope that you will see more of Jesus in me than myself.